sitcomical family

Last night was so funny. I'm thinking maybe for some of the stuff you'd just have to be there, but I'll try to describe it anyway.

So Karlon and I were sitting at the kitchen table having a serious discussion. All three kids had been sent upstairs to sit quietly and watch a movie. . . and Ashley was appointed supervisor because if there's anything she loves more than being nosey, it's being in charge.

Ashley always does everything properly herself and wants everyone else to do it properly too. . . .But when they don't, the silver lining is that she gets to tattle.

Anyway, our conversation was interrupted every three or four minutes with a fully detailed description of what one or the other boys were doing and finally. . . "Brandon is being nice and good, but Jon is kicking Brandon in the head.

So we call Jonny downstairs and ask him what happened. He says, "Well, I was just laying on my tummy and my feet wanted to swing, but Bra'n's head was in the way."

We talk to him and send him back upstairs and in a few minutes Ashley comes back down and says that Brandon spat at her. (a raspberryish thing -- think Archie Bunker)

Brandon is summoned. Questioned why, he says, "I just wanted to have some fun."

We speak to him for a little while and send him back upstairs to behave himself. On his way up he shoves Ashley (who was eaves-dropping) and of course she comes the rest of the way downstairs to tattle.

We call Brandon back down. It's decided this time that he'll take his time-out in the back yard with Stetson who last weighed-in at 104 lbs. and would be more than happy to "have some fun" roughhousing with him.

Not long afterwards, Jonathan comes downstairs wondering what became of Brandon. We tell him that Brandon is spending his time-out on the back porch with Stetson (like three feet away from me on the other side of the french doors that lead to the back yard). Jon's face brightens and he proceeds to run back up the stairs shouting, "hey Ashley -- Good news!"

Within seconds, they both come running down the stairs and want to go outside with Brandon and Stetson.

We send them back up where they whine and complain about how come they never get to spend their time-outs out on the back porch.

Meanwhile, Brandon produces a ball of fluff from his pocket and stretches it into something vaguely shaped like a snake and then knocks on the window and says, "Hey guys -- I'm not really in time-out. See! [I've invented a toy]"

Brandon plays outside for a while and is allowed back in after promising to be a gentleman and not spit at his siblings. No sooner than he's up the stairs do Ashley and Jonathan come down tattling on each other so they may also spend time-outs on the back porch.

All this time, Stetson is having a blast. . . and we're hearing squeak, squeak, squeak (squeak, squeak, squeak) intermittently from his chew toy.

The real kicker is that we couldn't pay these kids (or the dog) just to go outside and play. . . I guess it's only fun if it's called time-out.